i only write here about the weather

It’s a bajillion and four degrees outside, and my newest obsession is that the pets will overheat.

Unfunnily, it is my computer that feels boiling to the touch as I google rabbit heat stroke and then rush in a panic to wet the bunny’s ears. Meanwhile, the obviously overheating puppy demands my attention and I consider putting ice cubes in her water, but realize we’re out of ice cubes. That is because it is a bajillion… have I said that already? Sorry, no brainwaves in a heatwave.

The cat is nowhere to be seen, and it is clear that he has gone off and hidden in order to shield me from the heartbreaking sight of his panting agony. Animals are known to do that, I believe. It’s their pure natural compassion, untainted by violent video games. Or maybe he is looking in vain for some shade in the scorched desert that is our flat. He shares water with the puppy, so I go to refill their bowl with cold water from the tap, only to discover that the cold tap’s offerings are now warm.

The fear of all the pets getting heat stroke simultaneously is not greater, it must be pointed out, than my fear of getting a regular stroke as induced by the electricity bill, should we let the AC run all day. Which is why the moment my husband is out of the living room, I switch it off. Then I open the windows to bring in the breeze, secure in the knowledge that wind energy is the most sustainable option. Except, well, there is no wind, as such, to be found. So instead of being a channel of refreshing and frugal air, the window is in fact a wall of boiling-hot suffocation. How nice.

Fueled by desperation, I hand the bunny a frozen plastic-wrapped popsicle. It’s only water and sugar, and it’s better than dying of heat, right? RIGHT? The rats have frozen vegetables, but bunny refuses to eat that. He seems encouraged by the pink plastic though. Should I give a popsicle to the dog as well? Or maybe some ice cubes. Oh wait. Since discovering that we have none, I’ve taken no measures to ensure their reappearance. Pouring water into the molds, I wonder whether there is a way to make it freeze more quickly. Maybe if I pray to…

What’s the god of coldness called again? Can I have their number?