when you have two kittens
– Mommy, mommy, – yells the older one (Lorca) as we come home, – I’m hungry! I’m thirsty! I want to bite you! I’m hurrrngry! – So I rush to the kitchen with him gnawing my arms, spilling water as I try to fill his bowl as quickly as possible.
– Hey you! Let me out! I’m hungry! I’m bored! – yells the younger one (codename Tiny Baby, no real name yet) from his quarantine zone in the bathroom. We are not Mommy and Daddy to him yet, just the confusing creatures who have trapped him in this safe and warm environment with food and a litter box, and whose feet he is slowly discovering to be lovely toys. So A. rushes inside to cuddle and feed him.
– Mommy, mommy, – yells Lorca as soon as the bathroom door closes, – The new rat has got Daddy! WHY HAS HE GOT DADDY DADDY IS MINE ONLY MINE! – Food discarded, dig-dig-dig at the bathroom door. So I pick him up and comfort him: – You’re still our favourite, you are the loveliest, our baby. – Then why does the rat get the delicious canned food while I have to eat big boys’ pellets, huh? – Shhh, love, there’s a good kitty.
A. comes out and joins in the love fest. I go change and am on my way to sit down, when: – The fridge is open, the fridge is open, I need to jump in! – Lorca. – I am lonely! Lonelyyy! – Tiny Baby. So A. holds the fridge open for Lorca to make his leap, while I go into the bathroom to catch a glimpse of Tiny Baby’s tiny tail as he scrams and hides under the toilet from the scary huge creature. I pick him up, stroke him (purr, purr) and leave.
– Mommy, mommy, you were in there! With the rat! Whom I am still unable to dig out though I so want to! Why would you go in there when you’ve got me? Am I not the loveliest? – Lorca claws his way up to my face for kisses intermingled with indignant biting, leaving deep gashes on my thin-jersey-clad body. – Yes, baby, yes you are.
– HEY YOU GET BACK IN HERE I NEED TO BITE THE FEET!! – in the tiniest of voices, it is Tiny Baby’s turn. Judging by the thumps, he is throwing himself against the door, the same door he never even cares to approach when it is open for him to come out. Meanwhile, I sit down to eat. – Soy meat! My favourite!! – In a second, Lorca’s nose and front paws are in my plate, back paws digging into my shoulder, tail in my face.
How anybody manages to raise real human children is what I’d like to know.