new intensive fitness plan!
Do you want firm buttocks and definition all over your body? Would you like your friends to whistle when you come into the room? Want glutes like Michael Phelps? It’s your lucky day! Today you get an unbelievable fitness program ABSOLUTELY FREE! What are you waiting for? Look at the next paragraph for the answer to this question: How Do I Get Fit Easily And Quickly?
And the answer is: GET BRACES!!! With our monthly appointment plan you’ll clench and flex every possible muscle so hard like you’ve never done before! Your mouth will be open so wide for so long that your neck won’t have a grain of fat left in it, and your face muscles will be firm without collagen due to the amount of painful grimaces you will make every appointment!
The best thing? The program lasts long enough to make ABSOLUTELY SURE you are good and worked out before you’re done! Says T. Obvious, a long-time member: ‘I was convinced my plan was a month away from expiring, when the doctor said I had another six months to go, no additional charge!!! To quote Christine Lavin, ha ha ha ha ha ha surprise! I was thrilled!’
Apply now to get a chance to win a FREE TRIP to Inquisition Wonderland, all the rides in the Torture Chamber included. Hurry, call now, this may be your only chance to get fit effortlessly! Call 1-800-KILL-ME or 1-800-NO-KIDDING within the next hour and we’ll throw in a pair of silver pincers so you can pull your own nails out while you’re at it!