counting my blessings
Whew. Two Passover celebrations in one weekend might be a bit much. Especially the one with the grandparents. Which went a bit like this:
GRANDPARENTS ARRIVE. DOG IS OVERJOYED.
GRANDMA: Oh, oh, oh, keep it away from me!
GRANDPA: Come here, nice doggy, ha ha ha!
GRANDMA: He is doing this on purpose!
ALL: Grandma, will you just sit down?
EVERYONE SITS DOWN.
SOMEONE: Shall we do the blessings?
ALL: Are you kidding? Let’s cut to the chase!
SOMEONE: Maybe the candles at least?
ALL: Sure, the candles. Who’s supposed to do the candles? A girl? A., do the candles!
A. PUTS ON HIS KIPPAH, PREPARES FOR THE BLESSING.
GRANDMA: Dog, get away from me! Get away! It is spoiling my evening!
ALL: Shush, Grandma, the blessing!
A. STARTS SAYING THE BLESSING.
GRANDMA: My evening is ruined.
ALL: Amen. Let’s eat.
EVERYONE STARTS EATING.
GRANDPA: Come here, nice doggy.
GRANDMA: See, he’s doing it on purpose!
GRANDMA: Wait, how did you make this cholent?
MOM DESCRIBES CHOLENT RECIPE.
GRANDMA: This is not the way X makes it!
GRANDPA: Is this a new camera?
GRANDMA: (livens up) Can I see the pictures you took?
GRANDMA: (looking through the pictures) Uh huh… Uh huh… Oh look, I look all grumpy. Uh huh… Here I am again – grumpy again. Why do I look so grumpy?
ME: (shifty eyes) No idea.
GRANDMA: Can someone get the dog away from me?!
Loop for three hours, distill. There’s pure Jewish family tradition for you. Anyone who’s hungry, come and eat.