The Obvious

recent spam harvest

Posted in silly, spam by theobvious on January 3, 2008

Here are some spam headings I’ve encountered recently. This might be turning into a category, I’m sorry to say.

Age-defying skincare.
Will it defy the fact that I’m 21 and make me all wrinkly? I wonder about this when shopping for skincare – why is the word AGE stamped in bold on every product for women over 35? Doesn’t make for good gifts, take my word on it.

As the new year…
…what? As the new year, you would like to be addressed Your 2008-ness? As the new year begins, you are sure I require your product urgently? And why is your name Eniko Hahaha? What is so funny about the new year?

Lose weight while you sleep!
How long would I need to sleep to disappear? I am obese, you know that because you mentioned it in your email. Do you also know that I lust for the neighbour’s dog? Never mind, tomorrow’s spam will surely take care of that.

Gurnards.
What is this about? It’s about the fish called the flying gurnard! No? Well, then it must be about Gurnard, the village! No, wait. It’s just one phrase: ‘6 inches is normal, but you need 9 inches to become a real man!’ – definitely about fishing.

Gain great size and force for your willy!
Now this is just plain cute. Willy? Seriously? ‘I am pleased to inform you, ma’am, that I have in my possession a willy of great size and force.’ ‘Her burning loins* were longing for his engorged willy.’ I feel sorry for these people.

I wonder if people actually fall for this kind of advertising. Surely, no brain of great size and force is needed to see that there’s something suspicious about the fact that seventy people you don’t know have simultaneously emailed you about pills?

By the way, this is not what I originally wanted to write about. But this will do while I tackle the oeuvres of Messrs. Sterne and Diderot. Ooh la la!

*See Friends, episode 702, ‘Rachel’s book’.

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