i’m a little teapot short and stout
A. is coming back! He’ll be here tomorrow and there’s something I need to get out of my system before that. So sorry, all twenty of you anonymous readers, Mom, and Rachel, but here goes:
I’m fat! I’m FAT. Fat, fat, fat. I am as fat as a hippo. Make that two hippos. And a boar. I am rounder than the Earth. I could be a fertility symbol. I’m plump, bulky, corpulent. I’m a cow. I’m elephantine. I’m not slender, nor slim.
I am stupid. I am uncreative, useless, dumb. Not a genius, not even close to one. I can’t think. I haven’t been working. Nor working out. Have I mentioned I am fat? I am dimwitted. I detest myself. I am unworthy.
Whoever likes me has poor taste. Whoever wants to be my friend just doesn’t have any other option. Nobody cares what I think. Everyone hates me. At least, all the people who matter do. I suck at everything. I am disgusting.
I love my husband. I’ll try not to tell him these things. You, Internet, on the other hand, can handle it. You are much stronger than A. or me. Especially me. Because I am weak. And fat.