great concert

So Bob Dylan live in concert - legendary. This was experimentally proven yesterday, when we saw (and heard) him at the Siemens Arena. I’d never been to a concert at an arena before, it was quite something.

And true, you can’t understand a word he’s singing these days, but the band is awesome, the lighting was beyond fabulous, and, well, Bob Dylan is Bob Dylan.

I do believe he has an inhuman voice, though, an effect all the more noticeable when one is not distracted by the content of the song.

Also remarkable - the speed with which the band disappeared in two large black coaches right after the show.

de-wait for it-nied

A little insight into the way I think, end-of-term style. I am sitting at the kitchen table, it’s 2:02 am, I am reading Baudrillard for tomorrow’s 11 am class, chewing things, and watching season 2 of How I Met Your Mother at the same time. Much like a diesel engine starting uphill, my brain is fluctuating between OVERLOAD! ROARRR! VROOOOMMM!! and that’s better… swooshhh… whoooo… rrrrrrrrr.

Jean Baudrillard: Abstraction today is no longer that of the map, the double, the mirror or the concept. Simulation is no longer that of a territory, a referential being or a substance. It is the generation by models of a real without origin or reality: a hyperreal. The territory no longer precedes the map, nor survives it. Henceforth, it is the map that precedes the territory - precession of simulacra - it is the map that engenders the territory and if we were to revive the fable today, it would be the territory whose shreds are slowly rotting across the map. It is the real, and not the map, whose vestiges subsist here and there, in the deserts which are no longer those of the Empire, but our own. The desert of the real itself.

Barney Stinson: This would never happen at a bar!

True conversation. Happened in my mind just a few minutes ago.

twitter-style

I can’t move. Was planning to go to bed - plans canceled. The cat has crept up and nestled against my back. She is so cute and peaceful in these rare moments of not being a ferocious monster that I will do anything for her to stay that way. Like sit here and not move. Possibly forever.

shall we overcome?

What I want to be doing right now:

- reading Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson and The Lollipop Shoes by Joanne Harris,

- going to Venice,

- being out with my brother taking photos,

- hanging out with certain people and bears.

Instead, I am moping about the place with a dried-out brain, out of words to post here, trying to work, work some more, and write a paper at the same time, and not succeeding at any of it.

I am absolutely convinced at this point in time that my studies are the only thing keeping me from living my life happily, but everyone is at my throat for even voicing the idea of dropping out. Of course, if I did, that would be my 2,5 failure to thrive in an academic environment, that’s probably why my close ones are concerned. But really, threatening me with no pie was a bit much.

It seems to me that I need a break. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a sabbatical here. At least not for BA students. I just need to get my head straight, because I’m starting to feel increasingly stupid, and I know for a fact that I am not, not when I apply myself to something worthwhile. Ergo (do stupid people use Latin words? surely not!) what I’m doing now must not be worth my while.

back

We’re back, and it was awesome and awful and overwhelming.

another update

Hi, we’re alive, made it to Israel and all. Lufthansa were very courteous: when we arrived, they had a team ready to solve all our troubles, everyone got new flights, hotel rooms, and food. However, they lost our luggage, and not in the good, ‘get huge refund and go buy new stuff’ way. It’s been located in Frankfurt, so we’ll get it tomorrow morning. Which basically means no new clothes, but dirty ones until tomorrow, and no shopping spree, but lots of lugging things around. At least we are safe and made it here just some ten hours off schedule.

update

So much for Tel Aviv by this morning. Our flight has been delayed; we are missing our connection in Frankfurt. The next flight from there to Tel Aviv is at 10.15 in the morning. So, on the plus side we might have a fun night at the cool airport in Frankfurt. On the minus side, it’s really boring here in our very own Vilnius airport.

i’m-all-about-the-dashes-sorry

Is there a way to stop being shocked with this whole springness of being? The sun just keeps on shining, there is no more rain, and it’s warm enough to wear a t-shirt and carry a cardigan in case of wind!

I spent yesterday hanging about town, reading weather-appropriate books (The Sun Also Rises and To Kill A Mockingbird are not happy-day books or beach-reads, but there is undeniably a lot of sun in there), wandering from one spot in the sun to another, squinting from the direct light, and meeting friends at the university for short meaningless conversations.

A. said we could go buy some clothes, so we went to the nearest thrift store just in time for happy hour. (That’s when the cheap clothes become almost-free clothes, yay.) We got me some trousers and a shirt, and then, as I sat in A.’s lap and cried about being fat (necessary ritual), I couldn’t help but register that we were sitting on actual, real, full-fledged, sittable grass.

On Saturday we are flying to Israel, and it was supposed to be our flight from the steely cold into the sunny heat, but it will be +20 centigrade in Jerusalem on Sunday, and while that’s still a bit warmer than it is here, I think the difference won’t be as striking as it could have been. Cool.

zero contacts online

I don’t really do social networks. I use Facebook for birthday reminders, have accounts here and there from when I thought it rude to ignore a friend’s invite (I know better now), or when I sincerely believed that would help me connect with people from my past.

But since recently I believe it’s a little clingy to be like that. Hi, we haven’t talked for seven years, and before that we spent a week together in math camp (don’t get me wrong, I never really went to math camp). Now let’s hang out, tell me about your life, quickly like.

And being a desperately lonely kind of person, I need to fight the urge to be clingy every fricking day of my life. You have no idea how hard it is to not shower the people I love with texts, gifts, and stuff, just to make sure they love me back just as much, yea verily.

At one point in my life I felt the ‘living encyclopedia’ gig I had going was getting tired, wasn’t bringing in any more dividends, so I started pretending to be dumber than I was. I errrm’d and uhh’d a lot, used only short words, and said ‘how should I know’ all the time.

Now is kind of like that, only for emotional neediness. So I never switch on my MSN messenger anymore (oh, all the Arabic wedding proposals I used to get), I’ve forgotten the password to my ICQ account, and don’t expect me to accept your Orkut/Habbo invite.

I take pictures instead. Want a free portrait shoot? I’m better than you’d think.

an exercise in stereotype (with a moral)

The language student: most often female, carries around a heap of assorted pages, has dozens of pens and pencils poking out of every bag pocket, looks a bit nerdy and very frazzled, especially around the end of term.

The history student: most often male, carries a backpack which looks empty, looks like a sweet hard-rock-nerd or like he’s not even a student, cycles everywhere even in the winter, the end of term makes him frazzled.

The psychology student: is modern, independent, a bit childish, takes up tons of activities and responsibilities, likes talking to everyone, is friendly and helpful to new and lost people, is only frazzled around the end of term.

The management student: looks very grown-up, wears fashionable clothes and accessories, drives to school, goes clubbing on Friday night through Sunday afternoon, has a part-time job, the end of term leaves him/her frazzled.

The law student: looks business-like, carries a serious-looking folder, dresses as though holding a position of attorney at a major law firm already, spends a lot of time studying, but is still very much frazzled at the end of term.

Moral of the story: even though this was my worst exam session as yet, I couldn’t be happier, because today it is over. And I get to go to the theatre tonight, and then chill out for something like eleven days.

And now I’m going to hum along to Tom Lehrer, be proud that I resisted whining about the exams here, and ignore my inner perfectionist who is saying “B+? B plus?! That’s not nearly good enough!”

roy g biv challenged

I’ve never liked colouring my pictures. When I was a kid, I thought very highly of my own artistic abilities, but grew bored of every picture as soon as the pencil sketch was done. My mother, when presented with these creations, usually expressed displeasure. She felt they were unfinished and wanted me to colour them. I, in turn, felt disappointed at her for not appreciating my ‘art’.

Today, I love colour and try to bring it into my life in every possible way. But at the same time, I’m faithful to my monochromatic self. I take black and white photos. All my Christmas cards are drawn in black ink on white paper and not coloured. I carry a notebook around, and a 0.1 Faber-Castell pen, and make little black-and-white sketches now and then. They are the way I see the world.

The picture above is a colourless still of a very colourful event. It’s the belfry of our university’s church (’the Johns’), seen from a window in the library tower, which I visited today as part of a tour of the secret passageways of the library. It was an exclusive tour for university instructors. My mom took me. I believe she’s learned to appreciate my black-and-white side, and I’m delighted.

subdued

The blogging client has been sitting here open, empty, waiting, for a while now. I’m in a quiet mood today. Woken by a friendly hello at an early hour, I have only been out of bed for ten minutes: brushed my teeth and got right back under the duvet. I don’t feel like talking.

What soothes you? What do you do when you’re one on one with yourself? Is there something you particularly enjoy? How do you ease yourself out of seclusion? (For me, the last question is the trickiest.)

Things that help me relax:

1. Taking and editing pictures of peaceful objects, like this:

2. Window shopping at design and decorating websites, like Etsy, NOTCOT, Design*Sponge, and even Martha Stewart’s Kingdom of Perfect.
3. Eating melon. And melted cheese.
4. Having tea with a book somewhere nice.
5. Looking at catalogs.
6. Shopping for safe items like stationery, tea, chocolate, scarves etc.
7. Watching shows like Friends, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Malcolm in the Middle.
8. Browsing Flickr, IMDb, and YouTube
8. Making things.

Would anyone like to exchange postcards? Mine would be handmade, but I can also include standard ones with pictures of Vilnius if you’re collecting. I’d really love to get postcards this year - and if I promise to send you one, I’ll have to commit to making it, which would be an additional asset.

november 30th, how i’ve waited for thee

So, uh, results. Well, as I’ve said elsewhere, NaBloPoMo was like a blogging crash course for me, because the need to do something every single day does so encourage you to improve in it.

I’m glad I participated because I learned a lot about blogging, a lot about writing, actually. And about time-management, although this is where I scored worst this year. I’m also thankful for a lovely new addition to my blogroll - and to my comment section, as a matter of fact.

Then there’s the minor issue of the amount of visitors to this humble blog increasing times twenty since October. Which, you know, I could do without, but HELL IS IT DEPRESSING to blog when nobody’s reading. Thanks, you anonymous darlings!

What I’m not so pleased with is the way I managed to remain a total sociopath through this whole experience. I mean, God, they don’t call it ‘a social network’ for nothing! I could at least have made a little effort to make friends. Sheesh, there’s no changing some people.

All in all, it was a useful and refreshing experience, and I’ll try to do it again next year. I will NOT in a million years promise to post every day for the rest of 2008, or my life, or even this week, but I will try to keep posting often and commenting on other people’s blogs.

Thanks go out to the incredible Eden (am I allowed to call her by her first name?). And to everyone who was on my list of ‘friends’ but never got a single word of encouragement from me - I’m sorry. Hope you had a blast, like I did.

digest

Hi, I passed driving theory today, and had some solids - these could be reasons to write a cool long post; I’m incredibly tired, and have the longest possible day tomorrow - arguments against writing an exhaustingly long post. That’s a tie, and while I think about it, I need to study for a difficult test. Wait, that’s another con. Sold. Bye-bye.

good tv

I have been watching lots of House MD lately. I like watching series because it generally takes longer for the plot to end and my favorite characters to go away forever and ever, leaving me behind to wallow in misery, boo hoo.

Do you like House? I love House. He’s my hero. It’s also a great show: it mainly consists of great-looking people running around fighting. They also make lots of funny noises that sound like ‘jihagtrec-itis’ and ‘yrreeagll-ic syndrome’, which make me feel smart, because I still always know what’s going on.

Although on second thought that might be due to the many close-ups of people’s sick and gory insides. I don’t know. Anyway, I like watching it even if I have to look away or squint really really hard sometimes. Also: must remember never to eat while watching House.

Which show is your favorite?